Hikmah

Masa lalu.

Masa yang tak akan berpeluang jadi kali pertama sebagaimana ia telah berlaku.


Bila kau pandang balik pun
kau sekadar teleku pada jejak
yang lama itu


Walau rasa sesak, bodoh dan teruk macam mana pun hidup kau
nahhh pandang pada yang paling bawah kau


Kita semua hadapi ujian
yang lain bentuk, lain asbab
namun punya satu sebab
HIKMAH.


Kerana yang menjadi sebaik-baik perancangnya ADA di ATAS sana.


Bertabahlah
Bersabarlah
Kerana kita HAMBA

Hasbunallahi waniqmal wakil
walaahaulawalaa quwwata illa billa hila'liyyil a'zim

Awang & Senah

Senah
Walau macam mana Awang pun kau
jiwa azali nyata tetap seorang Senah.

Sungguh langkah kau seindah Senah
tetapi wajar hatimu sekental bak Awang.

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Wahai Awang
Senah bukan seorang pembenci
tapi hanya layak memerhati
Batasan itu tega melingkari ruang antara kita
moga bermakna untuk kau fahami
harapannya
sampai pada satu masa nanti

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Seorang Senah yang tabah walau hati hanya punya kekuatan sebesar zarah

Seorang Awang yang gagahnya patut pada mata yang menunduk
sabarnya yang memagar
dan hatinya yang berdikir zikir

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Hebatnya seorang Awang yang hatinya sanggup berbelah demi syurga buat dua orang Senah
Maka
Janji Awang ada pada akad
Janji Senah ada pada bakti dan tekad

zahir sekadar kias. batin yang rasa =)

Fate

What if
one day you have discovered that you have been diagnosed with a disease
a serious one which is incurable
and might lead to fatal.

The disease will slowly turning you into someone else.
It will change everything.
Affecting your abilities.

Walking.
Viewing.
Talking.
Eating.

What is your reaction or feeling(s) at that time?

Sad?
Angry?
Hopeless?

Are you trying to blame anyone
or even anything that you believe such a cause for this matter?

What will you do to courage yourself, so that you want to forget the disease for a while.
despite of counting the days that still left,
What can cheer you up?

What makes you still stand up and fight with styles?
Even though it is hard to believe nor accept.
You are still there, kill the times as best as you can,


You know that this is only a test,
A test that He prepared to you.

This is because you find out
There is something that you cannot deny or even say no

It is
Fate.

未来へ

Mirai E
未来へ

To the Future

Hora ashimoto wo mitegoran 
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mitegoran
Are ga anata no mirai e 


Haha ga kureta 
Takusan no yasashisa 
Ai wo idaite ayume to kurikaeshita 
Ano toki wa mada osanakute imi nado shiranai 
Sonna watashi no te wo nigiri 
Issho ni ayundekita 


Yume wa itsumo sora takaku aru kara
Todokanakute kowai ne dakedo oitsuzukeru no
Jibun no SUTOORII dakara koso akirametakunai
Fuan ni naru to te wo nigiri
Issho ni ayundekita


Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu 

Hora ashimoto wo mi tegoran 
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mitegoran
Are ga anata no mirai


Mirai e mukatte 
Yukkuri to aruite yuko

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Bawa cinta.
Cipta cerita.
Yang terindah dan yang paling kau mampu bersama ibumu. 

Walau dugaan dan cabaran mendatang.
Hadapi tanpa rasa gulana.
Kerna doa dan kasih yang ditatang.
Sepanjang masa hingga ke hujung nyawa. 

:)

Love Propagation

To the superior of love
Let love to be propagate
Inculcate
No need to dissimulate
Cause it must too
Even the newborn believes
Love is the deepest feeling
Seed of happiness 


To the non-lover believers
Love never been evanescent
Friable is a gimic
Not even dearth and death
Can do us apart


To the existing readers
Let love to be propagate
Consolidate
Share the bond of exacting
Exculpation of depressed
By the way of love
We learnt
Joie de vivre
Hitherto, evermore

-- Acap the Cuzzie (23:16)

Credit image:
http://wallpaper-kid.com/cute-love-hd-wallpapers-for-laptop.htm

Ruang

Kalau lah seorang bayi boleh belajar untuk merangkak,
Kalau lah seorang kanak-kanak boleh belajar untuk berjalan bertapak-tapak,

Kalau lah dari yang bodoh menjadi pandai,
Kalau lah dari yang teruk menjadi elok,

Kalau lah dari yang sakit menjadi baik,
Kalau lah dari yang miskin menjadi kaya,

Kalau lah dari sekadar angan itu mendapat nyata,
Kalau lah dari sekadar benih itu mendapat hasilnya,


Kalau lah itu
Kalau lah ini

Semuanya ada satu jalan penyelesaian
Dari kalau menjadi nyata.


Kalaulah semua yang di atas itu dibina tanpa nyata ada akal, usaha yang berterusan dan pastinya belas ehsan dari Tuhan,
Apa lagi nikmat yang kau mahu dustakan?


Ruang.
Aku perlukan ruang.
Dan ruang itu ialah masa.
Masa yang dikira dengan izin Allah mampu merubah segalanya.

Seluas mana ruangnya aku tidak pasti,
Apa atau siapa perantaranya,
Tapi aku percaya semua ini ada hikmahnya.


Apakah Tuhan akan merubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu melainkan kaum itu sendiri yang mengubahnya?

Jeremiah

I called him Jeremy.
Jeremiah is a little boy with hope. He lived with faith and happiness from people around him.
I am one of the last people to witness his endurance until his last breath. 

A year ago, I used to be a volunteer at pediatric ward at Hospital Tengku Ampuan Afzan (HTAA), Kuantan when there was my first met with this little angel. Every time I went to see Jeremiah, he always smiled at me and after that kissed my right cheek to show that how excited he felt when he got to see me. Mrs Arya, Jeremiah’s mother even recognized me every time when my face was everywhere in the particular ward. Jeremiah was a 7 years old boy whom a cancer fighter since he was 5. He was experienced with cancer which known as Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).

Normally, White Blood Cells or WBCs help fight infection and protect the body against disease. But in leukemia, WBCs turn cancerous and multiply when they shouldn't, resulting in too many abnormal WBCs, which then interfere with organ function. If too many lymphoblasts (a certain type of WBC) are produced, a child will develop acute lymphoblastic, or lymphoid, leukemia (ALL). This is the most common type of childhood leukemia, affecting about 75% of kids with this cancer of the blood cells. Kids ages 2 to 8 are more likely to be affected, but all age groups can develop ALL.

Jeremiah loved children’s rhymes very much. He loved to sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ song and sometimes wanted me to sing it to him. I will sing to him the song with some fancy hand gestures to make him laugh and smile. I love to see his smile. It calmed me when we could sing along together.

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“I don’t want to die” said Jeremiah one day.

“Why you said like that?” I looked at him with confusion.

“I know that I’m sick and gonna to die. But I don’t want to. I love my mom. I don’t want to leave her”

I smiled and messed his hair.

“Jeremy, you shouldn’t say like that. Who said you’re gonna die?” I asked him nicely.

“The doctor told me that I’m sick. I don’t want to. I’m really afraid of death!”

I messed his hair even slowly. I knew that Jeremiah loved the feeling when people messed his hair. But, there was less of hair on his head. Due to the chemotherapy sessions he had, he lost most of his hair.

“Jeremy…you know what, you can’t be afraid. I know that you’re a strong boy. God loves you very much. That’s why He chose you to be with Him. You’re really a good boy”, I continued to hug him and hold myself to not show my solemn face to him. I also need to be strong for him.

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There was couple of weeks which I do not go to the hospital because I am too busy with my final assignments and some preparation for presentations. However, I still kept in touch with Jeremiah’s health condition through her mother.


It was Friday’s morning and it kept permanent in my mind when Mrs Arya called me with hesitate that Jeremiah’s condition was getting worst. She was crying when I was arrived the hospital. I went to the ward and found Jeremiah’s pale face. He still smiled to me even though he was in pain.

“Kak Ila, can you sit beside me? I want you to sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars’ to me”, he asked while his hand patted on his bed beside him. He seemed hard to speak and barely able to breath with the wires in his nostrils.

I sit beside him and his mother also joined us. Both of us hugged him from his back. I started to sing and when I finished my last words; my eyes stared at Jeremiah who already fell asleep. Despite of his pale face and lips, there was a smile on his face. My eyes just stick on his face and I stood stiffly. I knew that, I could sense something bad. I took Jeremiah’s hand and checked his pulse. I just cannot say any words except the line “Jeremy just leaved us…”, and I could hear Mrs Arya rushed out from the room and called the doctor.

I could feel that tears already rolled down on both of my cheeks. I knew that Jeremiah wanted to leave us. The little angel wanted to die with peace in our warm embrace. I do not know why I need to feel like this. There were still some Jeremiah’s words playing inside my mind.

“Twinkle twinkle little stars”

“How I wonder what you are”

“Up above the world so high”

“Like a diamond in the sky…”

“You know Kak Ila, I really want to get the stars and give them to you. You're very kind”,

“You’re just like diamond in the sky!”

“Kak Ila, if someday that you happened not to see me again, you know where to find me, is it?”

“Here, I’m in your memory and your heart…”

based on a true story

Mari

Mari bercerita tentang masa depan
Mengenai siapa yang bakal kau cinta
Sehidup semati dengannya


Mari melihat pada masa lalu
Dengan apa yang dibina kini
Apa masih tetap sama nanti


Mari mendongak pada cahaya bulan
Walau jauhnya beribu batu
Hati sang pungguk tetap pada yang satu


Mari berfikir tentang kita
Siapa sebenarnya dirimu
Siapa sebenarnya diriku
Apa kita masih merindu?

Rangga

Ku lari ke hutan kemudian teriakku
Ku lari ke pantai kemudian menyanyiku
Sepi...sepi dan sendiri...aku benci
Aku mahu bingar...aku mahu di pasar

Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri...

Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Ada malaikat menyulam jaring  laba-laba belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya
Biar terdera...
Atau harus aku lari ke hutan, lalu belok ke pantai?

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Benar.
Aku tak boleh sendiri.
Aku mudah bosan pada sepi.

Aku harus berada pada kawasan yang walau hingar namun berkawal.
Tapi aku sedar aku sendiri tanpa sesiapa.
Sesiapa yang boleh membuat aku tersenyum dan tertawa.

Orang itu telah pergi.
Perginya membawa hati dan jiwa.
Jiwa aku.
Kosong.

Hidup

Assalamua'laikum :)

MPH SACC
RM25

Kalau diberi peluang untuk satu hajat.

aku pilih untuk membaca

fikiran orang lain.

Maka paranoia ini akan hilang.

tapi tak mungkin hilang.

Sebab mustahil akan timbul satu rasa

Kepuasan. 

Aku tak tahu bila masanya aku dah mula rasa boleh terima satu perasaan baru yang dipanggil sarcasm. Mungkin dengan itu rasa lama aku untuk mudah terasa dengan orang lain hilang.

Mungkin. 

Sarkastik menukar diri aku dengan memahami macam-macam ragam. Ada yang mudah diterima dek akal dan jiwa raga, ada yang rasa macam nak pulas dan hempas saja. 

Catatan Mat Luthfi bawak aku untuk meneroka tentang hidup. 

Ia membuka mata aku tentang kebahagiaan, kesusahan dan kesemuanya.
Hidup kita yang berbeza namun tetap ada satu tujuannya walau menular jauh ke mana pun.

Menuju Tuhan kita. 

Ada patah-patah kata yang bagi aku kurang bunganya, tapi kaya rencahnya. 

Ada patah-patah kata yang mudah tapi indah.

Ada patah-patah kata yang bermadah tapi menusuk payah.

Ahhh.

Aku pun kurang pasti apa dapatannya. 

Sebagai peneman sebelum tidur, 

aku percaya buku ini mampu mendominasi jiwa

Melankolik pada gaya.

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Hidup kita berbeza.

Cara pun tak sama. 

Walau adil belum tentu saksama. 

Tapi ia bukan pada Tuhan kita. 

Aku ingin hidup

Bukan pada rupa dan harta

Tapi pada hati yang sentiasa berdegup 

Pada apa yang tercipta. 

#escapism

It is not all about notes

It is not all about times

It is all about how you want to escape

from the solemn life

You want to live 

Yet there is a coincidence that stop you

To pursue

You stay

But you cry

There is a something plight

But you don't know what

You've no idea

At all

Then you find a solution

At least to hide

The inner state

You laugh and smile

Rather to die.